Volver

Hi Heather,
I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to tell you about a really stunning experience I had this past week. So two days after STAY I started an 8-day substitute teaching gig at my old middle school, Holmes Middle School, in Alexandria. When I picked up the job posting online I really didn't think much of it- I was just really pleased that I got such a great working opportunity (subbing pays pretty well). It was for a Computer class- an elective for 6th, 7th, and 8th graders.

I walked into my middle school last Monday and was brisk and quick, didn't do much exploring, just went straight to the class and got to business, much like how I always do when I substitute. In this case, I really didn't allow myself to think about where I was.

But over the course of the 8 days, the building kept nudging me. The children kept nudging me. And by mid-week I started bumping into old teachers in the hallway (who actually remembered me) and instantanously we rolled into memories of the old days, back in 1998 when I was a 6th grader.

I realized that for the first several days I was there I was closing myself off, but eventually the building took me by the collars and forced me to be an active observer and listener.

Heather, when I began to open up in my old middle school, I shattered into pieces... both of tears and golden memories. I saw down the hallways where I was teased and tormented, I walked the path I use to take from PE to orchestra class, I saw the very classroom and by the very locker where I met three of my soulmates... three of my best friends still to this day. For days I avoided this investigation, I moved in and out of the school like a drone. But once I opened up, I felt like a spirit, a ghost of some sort, that was revisiting an older world. Volver. And I saw that stage in the cafeteria, with the glossy wooden varnish, which was the home to my first-ever true experiences with the arts. I performed with the orchestra on that stage, made some amazing friends as stand partners on that stage during rehearsals, and I acted and sang on that stage in our school's theater productions. I could hear the voice of my late orchestra teacher, one of the most influencial teachers I had while growing up.

I found myself thinking for a moment... Oh! If I could just STAY.

Gosh, I'm tearing up now typing this email.

This is holy ground, I thought. For me, for my life, for my experience in this world and in this life, this is holy ground.

Middle schoolers are a unique breed. Such rascals but sweethearts at the same time. And what's exciting is they aren't too jaded yet, like a lot of kids seem to get at the high school level. This past week, when I was nearing the end of my subbing assignment, I participated in Field Day with them, was by their side for their Award Ceremony and helped pass out Popeyes for their end of the year party. The kids worshipped me, "Mr. Hawkins! Mr. Hawkins! Mr. Hawkins!" they hollared.

Hearing the kids shout my name, and say how amazing I was, I felt the energy inside of me shift. It was as if the building was whispering, "I'm sorry you experienced pain here, I'm sorry. But this place loves you, it always has. This is holy ground."

It's one of the most highly diverse schools in the entire area, maybe even the country. It's always been this way. I remember being a 6th grader and being interviewed by the London Times who were doing an investigation on the success of the school with it's diversity.

Such an experience. Such a headrush.

As I walked out on Wednesday afternoon, on my last day, I spoke to the assistant Principal and told him how much I enjoyed subbing here and how much I adored the kids and he said how much they loved having me and so they took down all of my contact information and said that they would contact me in the fall when they need a sub. They said that I was at the top of their lists of subs to contact.

I am constant awe of life and some of its subtle, quiet moments of beauty and healing. I don't know if I'll be able to go back and sub there, it will depend on my job situation in the fall, but if I'm not doing anything else, I think that's where I'll be living until I discover my next move.

PS- Have you heard of the electronic artist Ulrich Schnauss? He's from Germany. If not, look him up on Pandora or YouTube. He has some beautiful electronic, ambient-sythn music that just takes me to another place. Two of his albums, which I have just loved exploring lately, are called "Far Away Trains Passing By" and "Goodbye"

Hope you are well, may the muses be with you,
Andrew