vanilla judgement

When you look for evidence of it, you’ll see that most of us have been awash in sexual judgment all our lives. Usually this has to do with calling out those who are queerer, kinkier, sluttier, or in other ways different than the norm, but it might also go the other way, as when people tell my asexual friend he should be having sex. SM aficionados sometimes refer to lovers of old-fashioned fucking as “vanilla,” and that’s often sexual judgment, too, though it is also a reaction to having been stigmatized in the first place by the “vanilla” world whose members all too often seem to think there’s only one way to have sex or express erotic feelings.