"There's always something to suggest that you'll never be who you wanted to be. Your choice is to take it or keep on moving"
~ Phylicia Rashad
"The best way to guarantee a loss is to quit"
~ Morgan Freeman
"I love it when ugliness is beautiful. I love character flaws"
~ Marcia Gay Harden
"The best thing that can come with success is the knowledge that it is nothing to long for"
~ Liv Ullmann
Sunday, November 29, 2009
They can smell it in the street...
leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. you lucky, lucky girl.
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea. a heart the size
of Arizona, but not nearly
so arid. don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are papier mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. you had to have him.
and you did. and now you pull down
the bridge between your houses,
you make him call before
he visits, you take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
don’t lose too much weight.
stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. and you
are not stupid. you loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. heart
like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.
heart leaking something so strong
they can smell it in the street.
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. you lucky, lucky girl.
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea. a heart the size
of Arizona, but not nearly
so arid. don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are papier mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. you had to have him.
and you did. and now you pull down
the bridge between your houses,
you make him call before
he visits, you take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
don’t lose too much weight.
stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. and you
are not stupid. you loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. heart
like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.
heart leaking something so strong
they can smell it in the street.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Away From It All :: The Futility Closet
If you’re looking for a challenge, see if you can reach 82°06′S 54°58′E — it’s the most inaccessible point in Antarctica, the farthest from the ocean and the coldest place in the world.
You’ll know you’ve arrived because you’ll find a bust of Lenin peering weirdly across the ice toward Moscow.
Dig down 20 feet and you’ll uncover a pair of locked doors. Get those open and you can enter an old Soviet research hut, now completely entombed in snow.
And inside the hut is a golden visitors’ book to sign.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Twenties To-Do List...
- Study and Travel in London, Paris, Lyon, Istanbul, Spain, Nice, Ireland, Berlin, Amsterdam, Poland, Prague, Oslo, South America.
- India. Costa Rica. Mexico. Brazil.
- Assistant Direct mainstage productions in the DC Theatre Market
- Helm a few of my own gigs in town.
- Self-Produce, perhaps with Fringe
- Participate in the Director's Lab at NYC's Lincoln Center
- Teach English in France for 7-9 months. Become fully fluent myself. Hopefully be placed in Paris.
- New York City. Perhaps.
- Obtain a season-long Directing Fellowship at a major DC or US classical and/or contemporary theatre company.
- Travel and use theater as a means for peace-building in conflict zones, like in Sudan.
- Be a Fulbright Scholar.
- Write. Dance. Be a bright young thing.
- late in my twenties, after these things have come and gone and if the moment is right, apply for Grad School.
- India. Costa Rica. Mexico. Brazil.
- Assistant Direct mainstage productions in the DC Theatre Market
- Helm a few of my own gigs in town.
- Self-Produce, perhaps with Fringe
- Participate in the Director's Lab at NYC's Lincoln Center
- Teach English in France for 7-9 months. Become fully fluent myself. Hopefully be placed in Paris.
- New York City. Perhaps.
- Obtain a season-long Directing Fellowship at a major DC or US classical and/or contemporary theatre company.
- Travel and use theater as a means for peace-building in conflict zones, like in Sudan.
- Be a Fulbright Scholar.
- Write. Dance. Be a bright young thing.
- late in my twenties, after these things have come and gone and if the moment is right, apply for Grad School.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
It's the first day of my New Year
Andrew, if you don't dream big, I can't scheme big.
Does that pretty much settle things?
The Universe
Does that pretty much settle things?
The Universe
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
what the angels are saying today
Today. Birth Day. 23 years ago.
their advice:
CHANGE IN DIRECTION... the changes you're experiencing are Divinely directed by your newborn willingness to open your heart to love and our guidance. You are protected now and in the future, so follow your path to the happy outcomes you desire. 00 This card signifies that you've had a change of heart that has altered the direction of your life in a positive way. Your old ways of living no longer interest you, and you will find yourself avoiding friends and pastimes that previously attracted you. You desire a lifestyle and career that will better fit your new interests and passions. The angels are guiding you through this time of transition. The Law of Attraction insures that you'll manifest wonderful new opportunities and realtionships.
NOTICE THE SIGNS... Yes, the signs you've been receiving are heaven-sent. We drop feathers, coins, and other signs upon your path to remind you that you're loved and never alone. 00 The angels gave you this card to help you understand the signs you've been receieving lately. These signs may include feathers, coins, butterflies, birds, or other repetitive visions that make you think of the angels, who have deliberately sent you these things to let you know that they're nearby-- protecting, loving, and guiding you.
their advice:
CHANGE IN DIRECTION... the changes you're experiencing are Divinely directed by your newborn willingness to open your heart to love and our guidance. You are protected now and in the future, so follow your path to the happy outcomes you desire. 00 This card signifies that you've had a change of heart that has altered the direction of your life in a positive way. Your old ways of living no longer interest you, and you will find yourself avoiding friends and pastimes that previously attracted you. You desire a lifestyle and career that will better fit your new interests and passions. The angels are guiding you through this time of transition. The Law of Attraction insures that you'll manifest wonderful new opportunities and realtionships.
NOTICE THE SIGNS... Yes, the signs you've been receiving are heaven-sent. We drop feathers, coins, and other signs upon your path to remind you that you're loved and never alone. 00 The angels gave you this card to help you understand the signs you've been receieving lately. These signs may include feathers, coins, butterflies, birds, or other repetitive visions that make you think of the angels, who have deliberately sent you these things to let you know that they're nearby-- protecting, loving, and guiding you.
Oh Tenn Williams
Dear Mr. Williams,
I like you more than Mr. Miller, I think.
I fell in love with you all over again last night. Down at the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. The beautiful and ridiculously talented Cate Blanchett was your Blanche.
She really was astounding. I feel the psychic energy between you both.
So many layers. Oh, your words. Your ideas. You are incredible. Thank you for sharing your gift.
I sit and experience your play and I think to myself--my god, how could I ever write something like this? I'm trying to write a family drama- paa! Why even bother, it's been done already! (By you! and so amazingly!)
But this morning, as I toasted my bread and thought about our wild night together, I realized...yes, although you're amazing, and although you speak to me very brillantly...you don't speak to everyone.
Almost everyone, but not quite. And so, thank god! There are still some people left out there that I can try to reach.
Until next time,
Love Andrew
PS- they're doing CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF in London when I'll be there in February, and with an all-black cast! Can you believe that?! I wonder what you think of that. I guess that will be our next date..
I like you more than Mr. Miller, I think.
I fell in love with you all over again last night. Down at the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. The beautiful and ridiculously talented Cate Blanchett was your Blanche.
She really was astounding. I feel the psychic energy between you both.
So many layers. Oh, your words. Your ideas. You are incredible. Thank you for sharing your gift.
I sit and experience your play and I think to myself--my god, how could I ever write something like this? I'm trying to write a family drama- paa! Why even bother, it's been done already! (By you! and so amazingly!)
But this morning, as I toasted my bread and thought about our wild night together, I realized...yes, although you're amazing, and although you speak to me very brillantly...you don't speak to everyone.
Almost everyone, but not quite. And so, thank god! There are still some people left out there that I can try to reach.
Until next time,
Love Andrew
PS- they're doing CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF in London when I'll be there in February, and with an all-black cast! Can you believe that?! I wonder what you think of that. I guess that will be our next date..
reviewing my notes
I'm starting to review my notes from this past weekend's conference at Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company, entitled: THEATRE, DEMOCRACY & ENGAGEMENT IN THE 21ST CENTURY.
lots of ideas...lots to decompress. some highlights/things that are staying with me:
"Have we, and maybe the field of theatre in general, been too disconnected to the political world in DC?"
"Who is our audience?"
"How do we define community engagement?" Community engagement versus the plays we produce.
"Are we happy with the theatre's place in society right now?"
From Nilaja Sun...
- Woolly needs more than just PAY-WHAT-YOU-CAN Nights. It needs 5 shows a week where it brings the Rosa Parks kids that are used to sitting in the back of the theatre up to the front; mixing their energy in with the REST. ...secretly weaving, clandestine, integrating...just like breathing.
From Alison Carey...
- Artists and Audiences are essentially the same.
- Create art with your audience, not for them. People invtest only in what they create.
- Families should be engaged with the theatre again. They go to churches and sports matches, but not so much the theatre anymore. Why?
- Parents won't let their kids come and see a play if the word FUCK is in it. However, parents will let their kids come and see a play with the word FUCK in it if they helped write or make it!
- Big cast plays reguarly. We cannot tell the stories we need to tell with small numbers of characters.
- Get over the world premiere media. Nobody cares. (i loved this lady)
- Find out what theatre DOES to people. What does it DO to the audience's brain? Conduct studies. We have studies done on actor's brains, on kids and their engagement with art and music...but what does theatre actually do to the theatre audience's mind?
- More plays on science, multi-linguistic, open rehearsals, more stories about what people actually DO.
- Playwright in residence with the US Congress. They should have a pass in the Cafeteria.
- Don't take shortcuts. Defy expectation, rather than convention. The Beatles never did the same thing twice.
From Erik Ehn...
- It's about an exercise in understanding a memory, along with a great unknown will of our own.
- We are constructed to live.
- "Our audience is Death." - Beckett
- We need to move toward plays that make us helpless.
- We must remember that our business is based in play.
- Why do corporations cut off our civics?
- The best theatre in times of certainty is criminal.
- Death is the only market that stages infinite growth. *
- The Wise need growth.
- Make room for more loving.
- Theatre is a movement. It is a project. It is transition. Give it away for free.
- If we are water, the wheel will find us.
- Meaning is the new loyal. Cite everywhere. Let the world blow through us.
From Charles Mee...
- Ivo's theatre company in Amsterdam did a play with all hugh school students. Did his play "The Perfect Marriage" with students from a conservative Dutch high school and with kids from a Muslim high school. The action of the play were these two families.
-- In an 18th century gold opera house. Two communities brought together to the theatre. Electrifying in the audience, led to conversations. New and adventurous work-- new generation of people brought in, never been before...
From Andy Shallal...
- The power of art and restaurants, when mixed, can catalyze change.
- U St used to be Black Broadway.
- "Oh. THIS is Washington." -- we don't have this identity yet, unlike NYC, Chicago, etc.
- We have not been able to move away from the shadow of the Capitol.
- Moment of ReDefinition is here.
- Peace Cafe's being implemented at Theatre J after Jewish/Muslim conflict-themed plays.
- Change people's paradigm momentarily, hosting conventions in communities.
0 Are we in the middle of a cultural revolution? The 1960's are now the mainstream...
0 Is it time to expand the circle once again?
----
so many ideas its mind numbing while exhilarating.
some things i do know. the circle needs expanding and the culture/community needs re-definition. most people do not truly comprehend the power of theatre, its many forms, nor even psycho drama therapy. i think that the Art should come first, and everything else just follow right behind it. we can't denouce or resist whatever art is bubbling inside of us. we must speak out.
that being said, a balance needs to be met between aesthetics and community outreach/engagement. a theatre must engage in its aesthetics, follow its mission, and create its very own expression of beauty and truth. but i feel community engagement is a responsibility of the theatre in the 21st century, and it must be in the mix. i think this for two reasons. 1. the theatre audience is droppping steadily. if we don't reach out to the community, let people know that The Theatre is for them too, then we'll lose them. And once you lose an audience, it can be very hard to get them back. 2ndly: theatre is, in essence, community engagement. that's what it is. The theatre can do grand costume dramas or musicals, but they must engage and be influenced/inspired by it's whole community too. it's whole community--the rich the poor the black the white the healthy and the HIV infected.
The National Theatre of Sudan is mentoring fomer child soliders on plays they are writing as well as engaging the children in drama therapy, various sensitivity/vulnerability exercises. And then the teens are performing their works together. This is amazing, and this is what I mean.
That theatre company reaching out to the Dutch and Muslim communities in Amsterdam, a community in Amsterdam known for its conflict...again, this is incredible. and it's impacting real people, real communities.
If a theatre company can maintain a season which follows its own mission as well as engage in this REAL kind of community theatrical engagement, than i think theatre will continue to evolve into something very important to different communities.
Maybe this is a do-able solution, maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm really just expressing my own feelings. For me, I want to continue saturating myself in art. I want to grow as an artist, but I've also, very recently, been hearing about this incredible power that theatre has in different engagement settings. Like in Sudan, Amsterdam, or even going into the projects and get kids to put on a play. This work, this REAL-kind of work, really excites me.
I just saw the film PRECIOUS the other night. Whew. I'm noticing the signs...
lots of ideas...lots to decompress. some highlights/things that are staying with me:
"Have we, and maybe the field of theatre in general, been too disconnected to the political world in DC?"
"Who is our audience?"
"How do we define community engagement?" Community engagement versus the plays we produce.
"Are we happy with the theatre's place in society right now?"
From Nilaja Sun...
- Woolly needs more than just PAY-WHAT-YOU-CAN Nights. It needs 5 shows a week where it brings the Rosa Parks kids that are used to sitting in the back of the theatre up to the front; mixing their energy in with the REST. ...secretly weaving, clandestine, integrating...just like breathing.
From Alison Carey...
- Artists and Audiences are essentially the same.
- Create art with your audience, not for them. People invtest only in what they create.
- Families should be engaged with the theatre again. They go to churches and sports matches, but not so much the theatre anymore. Why?
- Parents won't let their kids come and see a play if the word FUCK is in it. However, parents will let their kids come and see a play with the word FUCK in it if they helped write or make it!
- Big cast plays reguarly. We cannot tell the stories we need to tell with small numbers of characters.
- Get over the world premiere media. Nobody cares. (i loved this lady)
- Find out what theatre DOES to people. What does it DO to the audience's brain? Conduct studies. We have studies done on actor's brains, on kids and their engagement with art and music...but what does theatre actually do to the theatre audience's mind?
- More plays on science, multi-linguistic, open rehearsals, more stories about what people actually DO.
- Playwright in residence with the US Congress. They should have a pass in the Cafeteria.
- Don't take shortcuts. Defy expectation, rather than convention. The Beatles never did the same thing twice.
From Erik Ehn...
- It's about an exercise in understanding a memory, along with a great unknown will of our own.
- We are constructed to live.
- "Our audience is Death." - Beckett
- We need to move toward plays that make us helpless.
- We must remember that our business is based in play.
- Why do corporations cut off our civics?
- The best theatre in times of certainty is criminal.
- Death is the only market that stages infinite growth. *
- The Wise need growth.
- Make room for more loving.
- Theatre is a movement. It is a project. It is transition. Give it away for free.
- If we are water, the wheel will find us.
- Meaning is the new loyal. Cite everywhere. Let the world blow through us.
From Charles Mee...
- Ivo's theatre company in Amsterdam did a play with all hugh school students. Did his play "The Perfect Marriage" with students from a conservative Dutch high school and with kids from a Muslim high school. The action of the play were these two families.
-- In an 18th century gold opera house. Two communities brought together to the theatre. Electrifying in the audience, led to conversations. New and adventurous work-- new generation of people brought in, never been before...
From Andy Shallal...
- The power of art and restaurants, when mixed, can catalyze change.
- U St used to be Black Broadway.
- "Oh. THIS is Washington." -- we don't have this identity yet, unlike NYC, Chicago, etc.
- We have not been able to move away from the shadow of the Capitol.
- Moment of ReDefinition is here.
- Peace Cafe's being implemented at Theatre J after Jewish/Muslim conflict-themed plays.
- Change people's paradigm momentarily, hosting conventions in communities.
0 Are we in the middle of a cultural revolution? The 1960's are now the mainstream...
0 Is it time to expand the circle once again?
----
so many ideas its mind numbing while exhilarating.
some things i do know. the circle needs expanding and the culture/community needs re-definition. most people do not truly comprehend the power of theatre, its many forms, nor even psycho drama therapy. i think that the Art should come first, and everything else just follow right behind it. we can't denouce or resist whatever art is bubbling inside of us. we must speak out.
that being said, a balance needs to be met between aesthetics and community outreach/engagement. a theatre must engage in its aesthetics, follow its mission, and create its very own expression of beauty and truth. but i feel community engagement is a responsibility of the theatre in the 21st century, and it must be in the mix. i think this for two reasons. 1. the theatre audience is droppping steadily. if we don't reach out to the community, let people know that The Theatre is for them too, then we'll lose them. And once you lose an audience, it can be very hard to get them back. 2ndly: theatre is, in essence, community engagement. that's what it is. The theatre can do grand costume dramas or musicals, but they must engage and be influenced/inspired by it's whole community too. it's whole community--the rich the poor the black the white the healthy and the HIV infected.
The National Theatre of Sudan is mentoring fomer child soliders on plays they are writing as well as engaging the children in drama therapy, various sensitivity/vulnerability exercises. And then the teens are performing their works together. This is amazing, and this is what I mean.
That theatre company reaching out to the Dutch and Muslim communities in Amsterdam, a community in Amsterdam known for its conflict...again, this is incredible. and it's impacting real people, real communities.
If a theatre company can maintain a season which follows its own mission as well as engage in this REAL kind of community theatrical engagement, than i think theatre will continue to evolve into something very important to different communities.
Maybe this is a do-able solution, maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm really just expressing my own feelings. For me, I want to continue saturating myself in art. I want to grow as an artist, but I've also, very recently, been hearing about this incredible power that theatre has in different engagement settings. Like in Sudan, Amsterdam, or even going into the projects and get kids to put on a play. This work, this REAL-kind of work, really excites me.
I just saw the film PRECIOUS the other night. Whew. I'm noticing the signs...
Mirrors
There are things I refuse to show you, my mirror told me. You've got enough to worry about already.
Friday, November 13, 2009
going to the conference
"You're responsible for your own experience. Jump up there and get people to talk about what you want to hear." -- Michael Rohd
In just a few hours I will be attending a national theatre conference in Washington DC, entitled "Who's In Your Circle? Theatre, Democracy, and Engagment in the 21st Century."
In just a few hours I will be attending a national theatre conference in Washington DC, entitled "Who's In Your Circle? Theatre, Democracy, and Engagment in the 21st Century."
wild thoughts
I recieve daily messages from the Universe. Here's what she said today:
Thinking brand new thoughts that you've never thought before, Andrew, is wildly more conducive to creating big life changes than just thinking different varieties of the same old thoughts.
Think about it -
The Universe
0000
Thinking brand new thoughts that you've never thought before, Andrew, is wildly more conducive to creating big life changes than just thinking different varieties of the same old thoughts.
Think about it -
The Universe
0000
Thursday, November 12, 2009
So It Begins...
So I've started a blog. Woot.
Is this completely excessive? Of course it is.
But why the fuck not? Is it because "everyone else is doing it?"
Well, yeah, it is.
& I think it's beautiful, you know that. Completely excessive, this need to be posting, blogging, facebooking, twittering and so forth.
But why resist things like this? God damn its fun being excessive, isn't it?
Freaking out over the salt shaker, and such. And I think it's necessary.
And besides, these things, these...internet things, they're moving and growing and are taking speed with the culture. Be apart of culture, ya know? Shape culture! But don't resist it. No good comes from resisting. You'll get lost, forgotten and left to the dogs, I feel.
You're in this life and you're in this world, by god make the most of it. participate.
& plus Twitter is fun, and facebook is total instanity. But its marvelous really, to be so connected to everyone like that. I feel like twitter and facebook statuses are momentary memoirs. You know there's the possibiliy for compressed poetry, for insight; jolts, shots of feelings, ideas, musing at that moment, in 60 characters or less. We are so obsessed with coming up with clever little packages of thought. It's phenominal, fascinating. it's insanity. it's beautiful. it's the now.
Maybe I'm creaming over all of this because it all feels like such fun toys for a writer. But no,
Everyone's doing it. And that intrigues me. Many of us are so drawn to speak our mind, post our pictures, read profiles, blog, you know, Share. Learn. Reach out. Show Off. I think it's delcious.
Until it gets unattractive. And there's so much about this sort of thing that fails. Fails on an epic scale. Those poor things that...ya know...just don't get it.
But there's good and bad in everything, I suppose!
But I'm just here, MoHawkins, with a blog set up to facililate my perpetual exploration. My ideas. My findings.
This is less a journal entry. This is not a "HEYYY lemme tell ya'll about last night, giirll that boy was crazy an shiii, damn." No, no.
That's that unattractive shit I was talking about.
This blog is kinda like my log book. Don't expect an entry everyday, but every so often. On my exploring, on my findings. On my questions. On things that inspire me. On the places I'm at, or going to. Crazy times, jokes, quotes, experiences. Maybe a pic here and there. 2010 proves to be a very wild year, with plans to travel through Europe and Asia. And I know I want to use this blog as a portal to log and share my experiences.
I can't say much more specifically about how or what this blog will shape into, because I'm not quite sure yet. But I've come to realize that my life is such a fucking show. like...the SHIT that happens, my god. (All of our lives are, if you haven't figured it out yet.)
Thanks for reading and participating, until next time:
xo MoHawkins
Is this completely excessive? Of course it is.
But why the fuck not? Is it because "everyone else is doing it?"
Well, yeah, it is.
& I think it's beautiful, you know that. Completely excessive, this need to be posting, blogging, facebooking, twittering and so forth.
But why resist things like this? God damn its fun being excessive, isn't it?
Freaking out over the salt shaker, and such. And I think it's necessary.
And besides, these things, these...internet things, they're moving and growing and are taking speed with the culture. Be apart of culture, ya know? Shape culture! But don't resist it. No good comes from resisting. You'll get lost, forgotten and left to the dogs, I feel.
You're in this life and you're in this world, by god make the most of it. participate.
& plus Twitter is fun, and facebook is total instanity. But its marvelous really, to be so connected to everyone like that. I feel like twitter and facebook statuses are momentary memoirs. You know there's the possibiliy for compressed poetry, for insight; jolts, shots of feelings, ideas, musing at that moment, in 60 characters or less. We are so obsessed with coming up with clever little packages of thought. It's phenominal, fascinating. it's insanity. it's beautiful. it's the now.
Maybe I'm creaming over all of this because it all feels like such fun toys for a writer. But no,
Everyone's doing it. And that intrigues me. Many of us are so drawn to speak our mind, post our pictures, read profiles, blog, you know, Share. Learn. Reach out. Show Off. I think it's delcious.
Until it gets unattractive. And there's so much about this sort of thing that fails. Fails on an epic scale. Those poor things that...ya know...just don't get it.
But there's good and bad in everything, I suppose!
But I'm just here, MoHawkins, with a blog set up to facililate my perpetual exploration. My ideas. My findings.
This is less a journal entry. This is not a "HEYYY lemme tell ya'll about last night, giirll that boy was crazy an shiii, damn." No, no.
That's that unattractive shit I was talking about.
This blog is kinda like my log book. Don't expect an entry everyday, but every so often. On my exploring, on my findings. On my questions. On things that inspire me. On the places I'm at, or going to. Crazy times, jokes, quotes, experiences. Maybe a pic here and there. 2010 proves to be a very wild year, with plans to travel through Europe and Asia. And I know I want to use this blog as a portal to log and share my experiences.
I can't say much more specifically about how or what this blog will shape into, because I'm not quite sure yet. But I've come to realize that my life is such a fucking show. like...the SHIT that happens, my god. (All of our lives are, if you haven't figured it out yet.)
Thanks for reading and participating, until next time:
xo MoHawkins
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)